JHYM Retreat Staff Notes
JHYM Retreats * November 2-4, 2007 * Woolman Hill
Honesty
What is truth? I don’t know, and I’m sorry I brought it
up.” – Edward Abby
Honesty is one of the cornerstones of relationships and community. How does
wanting to be kind, well liked, or out of trouble influence when we either ’just
don’t say anything’ or speak untruthfully? What does the Society of Friends have
to tell us about speaking truth to ourselves, to each other, and to the wider
world?
WE ARE: Carol Baker, Gretchen Baker-Smith, Robyn Churchill, Richard Lindo,
Dimity Peter, Karen Sanchez-Eppler, Martha Schwope, Carolyn Stone, and Scott
Sprague. A special welcome to Richard, Dimity and Martha who are all staffing
their first ever JHYM Retreat, and an enormous thank you to Carol who is doing
her second in a row stint as our Exalted Food Wizard in the kitchen (with
blessings and help from SKG Wendyl Ross in the weeks and days ahead).
JOINING US are 30 wonderful JH’ers: 7 sixth graders (wow), 12 seventh graders,
and 11 eighth graders. We have 7 first time JHYM attenders this retreat.
HONESTLY. We are SO blessed.
The JHYM Retreat program’s goal is to provide a safe and trusting community in
which we seek to find that of God in ourselves and in each other. Our charge, as
ministers of the Spirit, is to help our young people create a sanctuary for
themselves and for others who come seeking the rest of this program year. What I
am beginning to appreciate more as the years go on, is just how rare and
astounding a “safe and trusting spiritual community” truly is for young teens.
What we “do”, with the Grace of God, is provide them with an experience in
building a spiritually grounded community that they then take with them, and
hopefully build on, for years and decades and a lifetime to come.
The Theme
Early Friends called themselves the ‘Publishers of Truth’ and advised each other
to maintain integrity in word and deed, holding to the simplicity of truth in
all one’s dealings. I wonder if this was easier for them 300 years ago than it
is for us. From the U.S. government to corporate advertising, sports teams to
the 14 year old in your math class, honesty often feels pretty scarce, and
sometimes even nonexistent.
Do we take our words seriously? How many of us (myself included) say things like
“I Hate…..” when we really don’t mean anything more than “this bugs me?!” Early
Friends were so serious about their choice of words that they were offended by
the use of oaths in courts of law – believing that everyone should be speaking
truthfully all of the time, not just when their hand was on a bible.
Many of us have constructed various stages of honesty, including that huge gray
area of ‘not outright lying,’ – i.e., it’s not a lie when we just don’t say
anything. Is this really being honest? If we see something wrong and don’t
speak, are we responsible for the wrong occurring? If we tell ‘white lies’ –
hedges on the truth because our intentions are to not hurt another person or get
ourselves in trouble – are we harming others or ourselves? Is it ‘better’ to be
kind or honest?
Of course being honest or dishonest affects our relationships with each other
and with God. (Do any of us have experiences like Adam in Paradise where we’re
running for cover from God without a proper-sized fig leaf?) It takes a huge
amount of work to rebuild trust that’s been broken by dishonesty. How does our
faith or spiritual community help us here, too?
You get the idea: we could spend an entire retreat program year exploring this
theme. My hope and prayer is that all of us on staff are able to be present to
the young people as they explore this very relevant topic, helping to nurture
the discussions and worship sharing in heartfelt and meaningful ways that
enlighten their lives and walks.
Timelines
Arrival: I will be arriving by 5pm, and I would welcome you anytime after that!
It’s really helpful if several of you can be there by 6:30. A lot of JH’ers
arrive before or right at 7 when registration officially starts. Please let me
know if you will be arriving later than 7:00pm.
Wrap-up: We ask parents to pick-up all JH’ers by 12:30; I aim to have all of my
staffers on the road by 1pm – 1:30 at the latest. Again, please let me know if
you cannot be with us until the very end!
Program Details
Small Groups will meet 3 times over the course of the weekend: Friday evening
/Saturday morning/and Saturday evening. You will find suggestions for discussion
topics as well as games/activities in your staff notebooks when you arrive on
Friday night. We will be divided into 3 or 4 small groups – with 8-10 JH’ers and
2-3 staffers for each group. You’ll be in the same small group for the weekend,
hopefully providing an opportunity for community within community. The feedback
about our small groups continues to be overwhelmingly positive, which is a huge
affirmation to you, dear staffers.
Friday Evening’s Program:
After some Opening Worship, we’ll do names, a little program overview and a
brief introduction to the theme before breaking into small groups where we’ll do
a round of check ins and then play, of course, Two Truths and a Lie.
Saturday Morning Program:
I’ve again asked a JH’er and a Staffer to share in our Opening Worship – I am
hoping they will agree. I continue to be so humbly moved by how powerful this
personal witnessing is for the listeners and the speakers.
In our small groups, we’ll start with a round of check-ins and any reflections
on what was shared in Opening Worship. Then, we will hopefully hit the theme
full tilt with an exercise called “What do you Say, Dear?” (Modeled on the out
of print Maurice Sendak book by the same name which I will read to them before
we break into small groups). I’ll supply you with a number of short scenarios
that require a response, i.e.: A friend asks “How do I look?……You see someone
being bullied at school……Your class recites the pledge of allegiance every day
and you’re uncomfortable saying it……The cool kid next to you wants to copy your
homework…..Your parent asks where you’re going when you’d rather not say.
Everyone in the group jots down their quick (and honest) responses to these
situations, and then you go back and talk about them afterwards.
REMEMBER! As always, I trust you to take the discussion where you feel the group
needs to go. The most important thing is that everyone feels they’ve had a
chance to be heard – and that the similarities and differences in their
experiences are honored and respected. Our primary goal is to build community –
content is a secondary benefit!
FYI: There is a separate sheet on Suggestions for Leading Small Groups in your
staff notebooks that may be useful for you to read (again).
After snack and a short bit of free time, we’ll gather in the Meeting House for
Worship before lunch.
Saturday Afternoon Workshops:
This is an opportunity for JH’ers to choose a one-hour activity. The options are
limited only by what you are interested/willing to offer! Karen and/or Carolyn:
Want to do knitting or some other craft? Robyn and Carol: How about dancing?
Richard: I heard a rumor that you do great drama stuff with young people.
Martha: Want to see if anyone wants to sing? Dimity and Scott – have ideas? I’m
open to whatever. My goal is simply to do fun, creative, active things that mix
up the groups of JH’ers a bit. We’ll let them name their top two choices and see
if we can get everyone in one of them. We have pretty good luck with these
workshop type things, and the JH’ers love having CHOICES! Please get back to me
ASAP with your ideas and supply needs.
We’ll also play some outdoors games (weather permitting), and/or do a short work
project for Woolman Hill before Quiet Hour and Dinner.
Saturday Evening Program:
We’ll gather in our small groups first for a round of check ins and then a
discussion on times when we’ve been affected by dishonesty – either because we
haven’t been honest or because others haven’t been honest with us -- focusing on
the impact that dishonesty has in relationships and what it takes to rebuild
trust. I’ll have questions to help keep the discussion going in your staff
notebooks. Hopefully by this time in the weekend, our small groups are willing
to be pretty honest with each other.
After sharing some reflections in our large group circle about our small group
discussions, we’ll end our evening together with a bit of a coffee house, taking
advantage of the dining room’s great acoustics and stage.
Sunday Morning:
Pack up, clean up, circle up, wrap up, with smiles, hugs, affirmations, and
final messages about taking the essence of what we’ve shared back to our homes,
schools, and neighborhoods. Worship is at 10:15AM followed by a quick lunch,
many hugs, and safe travels home.
“FREE TIME”
Junior Highers want free time, but most of them want it with structure so that
they can be in community. My mantra: “free time” is not staff “free time.” In
order to nurture community, all of us on staff need to initiate group games
(Apples to Apples, Egyptian War, JYM Ball, Graveyard Tag), inspire craft
projects, encourage the creation of new Who’s Who Book pages, and engage
stragglers into the mix in any ways we feel led – or the young people themselves
lead. Please consider how you would feel most comfortable doing this – and go
for it!
Staff Assignments
Registrar: Gretchen
Retreat Nurse: Robyn
Name Tag Czar: Dimity
Craft Table Elder: Karen
Photographers: ???? Be in touch with me if you’re willing!
Roving Staffers: Scott, Richard and Martha
Exalted Food Wizard: Carol
Final note:
Do know, dear dear Friends, my gratitude and love for each of you. I am really
looking forward to our weekend together in community and ministry. Travel safely
and be well. I love you.
Gretchen Baker-Smith
JHYM Retreat leader
508-997-0940 (h) * Gretchen@jymretreats.org * 508-287-6441 (cell)
Honesty
Simplicity is closely akin to sincerity – a genuineness of life and speech in
which there is no place for sham or artificiality. Care is needed to avoid and
discourage the insincerities and extravagance that are prevalent in the social
world. We need also to speak the simple truth, in love, when occasion requires
it. Such an attitude does not exclude sincere cordiality and kindness. PYM F&P
1961
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the
world ain’t lawful tender for a loaf of bread. Josh Billings
Above all, my beloved, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any
other oath, but let your “Yes” be yes and your “No” be no, so that you may not
fall under condemnation. James 5:12
Taking oaths implies a double standard of truth; in choosing to affirm instead,
be aware of the claim to integrity that you are making. Britain YM F&P1.02.37
Everybody has a little bit of Watergate in him. Billy Graham
We must make the world an honest place before we can honestly say to our
children that honesty is the best policy.
George Bernard Shaw
To be honest, one must be inconsistent. H.G. Wells
The integrity of some Dutch Friends I have met showed itself during the war in
their willingness to tell lies to save their Jewish friends from the Geestapo or
from strarvation.
Kenneth C. Barnes
People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than
out of the honesty. Richard J. Needham
The best measure of a man’s measure isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero
adjust on his bathroom scale. Arthur C. Clarke
If all of mankind were suddenly to practice honesty, many thousands of people
would be sure to starve. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Dishonest people conceal their faults from themselves as well as others; honest
people know and confess them. Christian Nevell Bovee
Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone – and
hurt them to the bone – you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time.
Dave Van Ronk
Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress. Mahatma Gandhi
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. Mark Twain
A half truth is a whole lie. Yiddish Proverb
With lies you may get ahead in the world, but you can never go back.
Russian proverb
We tell lies when we are afraid…afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what
others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we
tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. Tad Williams
Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children.
Oliver Wendell
The cruelest lies are often told in silence. Adlai Stevenson
Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of
what is kind than I am of what is true. Robert Brault
Additional Staff Resources:
Honesty
Simplicity is closely akin to sincerity – a genuineness of life and speech in
which there is no place for sham or artificiality. Care is needed to avoid and
discourage the insincerities and extravagance that are prevalent in the social
world. We need also to speak the simple truth, in love, when occasion requires
it. Such an attitude does not exclude sincere cordiality and kindness. PYM F&P
1961
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the
world ain’t lawful tender for a loaf of bread. Josh Billings
Above all, my beloved, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any
other oath, but let your “Yes” be yes and your “No” be no, so that you may not
fall under condemnation. James 5:12
Taking oaths implies a double standard of truth; in choosing to affirm instead,
be aware of the claim to integrity that you are making. Britain YM F&P1.02.37
Everybody has a little bit of Watergate in him. Billy Graham
We must make the world an honest place before we can honestly say to our
children that honesty is the best policy.
George Bernard Shaw
To be honest, one must be inconsistent. H.G. Wells
The integrity of some Dutch Friends I have met showed itself during the war in
their willingness to tell lies to save their Jewish friends from the Geestapo or
from strarvation.
Kenneth C. Barnes
People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than
out of the honesty. Richard J. Needham
The best measure of a man’s measure isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero
adjust on his bathroom scale. Arthur C. Clarke
If all of mankind were suddenly to practice honesty, many thousands of people
would be sure to starve. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Dishonest people conceal their faults from themselves as well as others; honest
people know and confess them. Christian Nevell Bovee
Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone – and
hurt them to the bone – you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time.
Dave Van Ronk
Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress. Mahatma Gandhi
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. Mark Twain
A half truth is a whole lie. Yiddish Proverb
With lies you may get ahead in the world, but you can never go back.
Russian proverb
We tell lies when we are afraid…afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what
others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we
tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. Tad Williams
Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children.
Oliver Wendell
The cruelest lies are often told in silence. Adlai Stevenson
Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of
what is kind than I am of what is true. Robert Brault